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Well, yes

Those are high on the list of things I'd like to go bump in the night with

 

Well written, horrible to live through. I wish I had read this before the pics went up.

 

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*not_secure_link*https://whyweprotest.net/asset-proxy/7b0a6bd7afa32a2d8c0bf804c7be2a5fd19b4cac/687474703a2f2f66696c65732e6368657373636f6d66696c65732e636f6d2f696d616765735f75736572732f74696e795f6d63652f65636865637330362f36383033623965635f62756d70332e6a7067/*not_secure_link*files.chesscomfiles.com/images_users/tiny_mce/echecs06/6803b9ec_bump3.jpg

 

:excited:

 

Ladies bump
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CAW10
BUMP​

 

I do not mind that this is not a sex story (I do not particularly enjoy most porn, and many of the stories that I post here are not sex stories). I do not mind that it is dark. (Some of my stories are kind of dark.)

Well written, on the whole. Others have pointed out mistakes; there are many; but you say this is a first effort, and I will not nitpick. By XNXX standards, it is very well written, indeed.

The plotline is implausible, however.

Implausibility should not matter, because it is a fictional story. However, plausibility is relevant insofar as you claim that the narrative is loosely autobiographical.

I am not suggesting that the action did not really happen to you. If it did, it did. What I am suggesting is that it most likely did not happen that way, for the reasons you think it did. It really all comes down to this line:

I am woman, here [sic] me roar.

You write this line, and then slice your wrists. "Hear me roar, as I off myself?" No. It just doesn't ring true.

Women don't kill themselves to get back at some jerk with a prick. Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness. Women kill themselves for themselves. Not for some loser guy.

And the boy. Andrew. Women have children for themselves, too. They do not use the pregnancy as a totem, or weapon, or hold. Men imagine that they do, sure. (That old tired whine, "The bitch trapped me," for instance.) But women know themselves. The story has a bit more authenticity, there. Your character fights for the pregnancy.

But back to the suicide. Oddly enough, as implausible as it is, it could all be true! You might even think that you tried to kill yourself for the reasons as you relate them. Maybe you've been to therapy. Maybe you have not. Maybe you need a better therapist.

If you were telling your story on a suicide forum, the implausibility would be okay. It is certainly no crime for one not to understand oneself. Most people, I am convinced, do not understand themselves. We, as people, are not required to understand ourselves. (Though it does help.)

But it is the job of writers to understand their characters. The writer in you must understand what Lexi is doing in that tub, even if you, yourself, do not. You, the writer, have as your primary job, plausibility, and for that task it is essential to somehow convey that Lexi is holding the razor not because of some jerk, but that she has latched onto the jerk, in the first place, because of something much deeper. You, the writer, don't have to tell us what that deeper issue is, but the writer in you does have to know it is there, or the suicide just doesn't ring quite as true.

Wow. I've really gone off on a rant. Sorry if it looks like I'm going out of my way to rip your story. Oddly enough, I've gone to this length because I like the story and think you're good and should keep writing.

 

No need

Was kinda rolling with it. Good story. good redneck debate on the Justice system, We don't really need the pictures though, the mind can always conjure up worse images. If anything, the inclusion of the pics dilute the story.

 

Clarise your right, there is more to it but I don't want to share those details with everyone. I was writing it as I remember it going back and forth adding bits in as things came back that I had buried in my mind. At the time of my attempted suicide we didn't know I have biopolar disorder which was a contributing factor in it. But I've since gotten on meds to try help, sometimes it does sometimes it doesn't. I haven't seen a therapist yet either, maybe I should it might help I guess. You've given me alot to think about Clarise.

Those things I haven't shared are too deep and too personal much more personal and deep than what has been shared in this story. Maybe I should have thought about it more but it was hard enough writing this story out as it is nevermind adding the missing backstory. Maybe in time when I work out my demons and write the missing parts in a prequel and when I do you'll be the first to know.

As always I thank you for your constructive criticisms. X

 

Maybe I have spoiled it for readers (mostly male) who did not imagine Lexi's antipathy ran deeper than the jerk, himself. If so, sorry about that!

You know, I'm in a similar boat. In my story (not autobiographical, by the way), Clarise (the character) is raped. Half the people who have read it are disappointed that I did not graphically portray the rape, and have told me that the story would have been better if I had done so. The other half feel cheated, because I do not provide any backstory as to why the character is the way she is, after having dangled the bait to suggest that she has very deep issues. Consequently, just about everyone is disappointed in it for one reason or another, and the foolish thing does not have a single vote! Yet my approach to the the piece is that the character's backstory is none of the reader's business. The story is what it is, and if it doesn't work, c'est la vie.

That is my prerogative, and it is yours, too. We don't have to tell the reader every little thing. I guess what I am suggesting is that it is enough that we know it, because the mere act of knowing it informs the narrative and is conducive to the creation of multidimensional characters.

Again, great job with the story. Very well done.

 

Descriptions of characters.

Andrew - He is a 44 year old art teacher, 5'8 average build but toned and has good biceps. Dark brown almost black hair, piercing blue eyes that i swear could see everything i had ever done. Slightly olive completion with the odd freckle and this perky wee bum oh and of course lets not forget about his cock, 7 inchs with a good thickness.
============================================
I find it strange how you can describe him, in what I would call glowing terms, after he threw you downstairs when you were eight months pregnant, and laughed at you on your way down?

 

The thing is as stupid and naive as I am about to sound I do still have feelings for him even tho there is alot of hate and resentment. I did truly love him in the beginning and years that followed it was only towards the end I started hated him but still have that little flutter of hope and love for him.

He made me who I am today and gave me a beautiful daughter so I have some small place in my heart for him. And it wasn't glowing just the way I saw him when we first met, I thought the reader shouldn't feel my bias judgement from the get go. X

 

Sounds like YOU'RE no one's bitch.

 

What are you on about ELP?

You seem to be accusing everyone of being someone there not lately, I have never done anything to or against you so why are you trying to make me out to be someone I'm not. X

 

You are wrong ELP... She was,and still is, Andrews bitch.